


Sea's groom

by UpInOrbit



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Epistolary, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25404682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpInOrbit/pseuds/UpInOrbit
Summary: Xiaojun waits for the day the sea will return Yukhei to him
Relationships: Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Sea's groom

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back :D I don't know if you missed me, but I did miss writing jsjsjs It's been so long I almost forgot how to write, but somehow, I managed to finish this fic! Don't even ask me why because I don't know how, honestly, but I was very excited to try something new so here, take my first attempt at an epistolary format!  
> This fic was heavily inspired by [Mana's El muelle de San Blas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teprNzF6J1I), one of my favorite songs, but also one that's really, really, really sad. If you watch the video, you can get an approximate idea of what I was going for, but even if you don't watch the MV, I suggest listening to the song, even if it's in Spanish, because it's really pretty.  
> It is a very sad song and I took all the sadness so... Yeah, heads up for the angst.  
> That said, I hope you'll enjoy this fic!

My dear Yukhei,

Where are you these days? Are you enjoying your stay? I know you’re gone on an important business trip, but I hope there are beautiful things, interesting things that you can talk to me about when you come back! Maybe one day we can go and see them, together.

Your brother is publishing yet another book! I don’t know if he’s told you, but I am guessing he didn’t, so I will do so in his stead, so that you can be happy and proud of him wherever you are. What happened between you two? You used to be so close… 

I know you don’t like talking about this, but maybe it’ll be easier to tell me by letter, when you don’t have to see my face, just as you said you might write me a proper love letter one day, because it’d be easier for you to find the words that way. Do not feel pressured to do so, though, I know words aren’t your forte, and I do not mind. 

Either way, I just thought you should know.

Take care, and have a safe trip back,

Xiaojun

♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎

Dear Vivi, 

Trust me when I say, there’s no one as surprised as I am! If anyone had told me, five years ago, that my son would be about to get married, I would have been surprised, but to think it’s my eldest! Who would have guessed! He has always been so fickle, as unpredictable as the wind, and as hard to follow.

If I am being honest, and I always are with you, my dear friend, I never expected him to get married, and so soon, it still feels like a dream I am about to wake up from. I am not sure what is more surprising, if the idea of him getting married, or him marrying Xiaojun! Do not let anyone know, Vivi, but I always thought it would have been Yangyang the one to marry Xiaojun.

You should see him now, he has grown up so much! To think that the little boy who looked at his brother with stars in his eyes, and wrote silly poems to cheer his mother up, is now on his way to become a famous writer! Xiaojun is still the first one he goes to whenever he publishes another book, however, and he has quite the collection, always the first book fresh off the press, that Yangyang delivers personally to him. 

I guess it must be the result of years of friendship, of Xiaojun being the one he discussed his ideas with when they were younger, but if it weren’t for the courtship, I would be waiting for him to declare his undying love for Xiaojun any day now.

It is a curious thing, to see just how life changes, the unexpected detours it takes. I am excited to see where this new chapter may lead us to!

I hope you are feeling well these days, you must be strong so you can come to the wedding once we know the date!

Loves you,

Your dear friend.

✒︎✒︎✒︎

I’d say I’m sorry for burning your letter, but that would be a lie, and I’ve never been one to lie to myself.

Am I helping you, or being selfish? Maybe both. I no longer know, just as I no longer know who we are, where we stand.  ~~ I don’t even know why I’m writing this letter, when I’ll never let you read it. Maybe I just need it out there, even if, this one too, I’ll burn it to ashes. ~~

If you had given Xiaojun that letter, that would have been it. It would have been clear as day the writer was in love with him. It would have been even clearer you hadn’t written it.

He’s always been my muse, the one for whom I’ve written poems and stories and everything in between. Every word, every sentence, every declaration of love I’ve ever written had him as the sole recipient, and he’s read them all.

He’d know.

Xiaojun has always been smart, smarter than you realize, certainly so much smarter than you. He would have read it and know you were lying, and maybe that would have been it, maybe then I could finally breathe.

I could say I was doing it for you, so that you didn’t have to face the ignominy you’d have brought upon yourself. I could say I was doing it for him, because he is in love with you, and he doesn’t deserve to have his heart broken, not when I know you love him.

I could say that, but I’d be lying.

The truth is, you can’t have my words. You’ve taken so many things from me, what’s one more? What’s one more, after all this time, after so many things? But you can’t have this.  ~~ You have him, when you know he’s the only one I’ve ever loved and I ~~

My words, they’re mine, the only thing you’ve never touched, you’ve never seen. You cannot take them away from me, taint them and warp them until they’re yours.  ~~ That was my letter, not yours. ~~

Maybe I’m being stupid, maybe I’m being selfish, but I don’t care. This is where I draw the line, this is the one thing you can’t have.

Turn around, Yukhei. As your brother, I beg you; as the writer, I will fight. 

Don’t take away my words.

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

I’m getting married, Yangyang, can you believe it? It still feels like a dream, still doesn’t feel real. 

I think I finally understood that feeling you always write about in your books, does that mean you are in love too? And for so many years, I can barely believe it. How did you do it? I hope they return your feelings, if there’s anyone who deserves to feel like this, that’s you.

We will be sending the wedding invitations soon, I hope, but you can of course bet on being invited, and you must come. You can’t not come, I forbid it.

Loves you,

Xiaojun

P.D. When we meet again, you have to tell me their name.

✒︎✒︎✒︎

My dear Xiaojun,

Of course you’re getting married, it’s the only thing Yukhei, my mother, and everyone in this town is talking about.

And of course I will go, there’s no way I’d miss it. After all, how could I possibly miss the wedding of both my brother and best friend?

I hope you’ll be happy, if there’s anyone who deserves that, it’s you.

Loves you, Yangyang.

P.D. I hope you’ll forgive me if I take that one with me to the grave, but I don’t think I’m capable of speaking it into existence.

♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎

Dear Vivi,

It was such a lovely wedding! I know you were there, but I need to speak about this, or I am afraid I will burst!

I do not think I have ever seen Xiaojun as happy as he was during it, his eyes were sparkling and he couldn’t stop smiling! And Yukhei, my dear boy, he looked so happy too.

I am saddened by the fact that Yangyang missed part of the ceremony because he fell down and hurt his hand. I feared he might not be able to write again, but the doctors told me it will heal perfectly, so that’s a relief. It was the only worrisome part of the day, but it will have a happy ending, too, it was truly a wonderful day.

Did you have a safe trip back home? I have been thinking about your offer these past few days, and maybe I will take up on your invitation, and go visit you for a week or so, if that would not be too much trouble.

Loves you,

Haseul.

✒︎✒︎✒︎

~~ I’m sorry. I love you. ~~

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

My love,

I know you have just left, and you won’t be back for a couple of months, at least, but I miss you already. This town doesn’t seem the same without you, there’s something missing from it that will only return when you do.

I know it’s irrational, pointless even, but every day, I walk by the pier, a part of me hoping you’ve finished earlier than expected and you’re on your way back to me. It helps me forget that you’re still months away.

Don’t worry about me, though, I’ll be here waiting for you to come back, so take your time and, when you’re done, come back as soon as you can.

Loves you,

Xiaojun.

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

My love,

I haven’t been receiving your letters these days. Is it because the correspondence across the sea is slow, or are you too busy to write them? Don’t worry, I’m not angry at you, I am guessing the correspondence is just slow, and anytime now I’ll receive your letters. Maybe you’ll be back before they arrive, I wouldn’t be surprised by that.

Things here are hectic, so I barely have time to write to you, but when I can’t sleep, that’s what I do.

I hope things are going fine where you are, and you can come back soon.

Loves you,

Xiaojun.

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Yukhei,

You were supposed to come back a month ago. I haven’t heard of you at all these past weeks. I hope it’s just an unexpected issue that arose while you were away, and that you will come back soon.

If you receive this letter, please come back as soon as you can, we are worried.

Xiaojun.

✒︎✒︎✒︎

What have you done, brother? Where are you?

You always wanted to see the world. What has the world showed you? Did you see so many wonders they made you forget what you left behind?

Already, the people are talking. Xiaojun doesn’t know yet, he still waits for you every day by the pier, but it won’t be long until he hears it.

Come back, Yukhei, before it’s too late.

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Yukhei, where are you? Please come back.

✒︎✒︎✒︎

WHERE ARE YOU, YUKHEI?

Some say your boat sank days ago, in a storm that drove it so far away from the coast no one made it back. There were no survivors. 

Some say it was another boat with the same name that sank, and yours arrived safely, and that you got down from the boat but never returned.

Half the town thinks you’re dead, and the other half thinks you abandoned Xiaojun because you found something or someone that interested you more than he did.

I don’t know what I believe, and Xiaojun waits for you, everyday, by the pier, in the same spot you left him. He refuses to leave, refuses to think you won’t come back. He won’t take his eyes away from the sea, as if that will make you come back faster.

~~ I don’t know if I’d prefer you were dead or alive. ~~

Please come back.

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Yukhei,

I don’t even know where to address this letter.  ~~ I know you’re not going to read it. ~~ When are you coming back?

I’m waiting,

Xiaojun.

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

You’re not coming back, are you?

✒︎✒︎✒︎

It’s been a year. I miss you. I’m sorry.

✒︎✒︎✒︎

I used to hate you, back then, you know? I loved you, but I hated you so much, I couldn’t bear to see your face. I thought I’d choke, on both my love and hate for you.

And then you left.

And when you didn’t come back, I hated you even more than I did before, at first. I thought the hate had finally won, that I’d hate you until the end of my days. But you didn’t come back. You still haven’t come back and it hurts, and it’s not the hate that hurts but the love I still feel for you, battered and bruised and tearing me apart from the insides.

And now it’s too late, and I just have these letters that won’t go anywhere, that no one will ever read, because you won’t come back. Everyone knows you won’t come back now, even Xiaojun.

Xiaojun… He won’t move from the pier, you know? He stopped going back home a couple of weeks ago, and no one can convince him to do so. I spend time with him, talking to him, but he won’t say anything.

I don’t think he hears me.  ~~ I don’t think he’ll ever leave the pier. ~~

If this were one of my stories, the ones he and I used to talk about, he’d have fallen in love with the sea, the one to keep him company for hours and days and years as he waited for you. It would be sad but romantic. It’s not. It’s sad and it hurts and I wish he’d turn around and turn his back to the sea, but I don’t think he can anymore.

I can’t look at the sea anymore. It took you from us, and now it’s taken Xiaojun. There’s only me left now and it hurts.

I’m sorry. There are so many things I wish we’d done differently. I’m sorry.

Happy birthday, brother. I love you. I wish you’d come back.

♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎

To our esteemed mayor,

I am writing this letter on behalf of the town because we are worried. It is sad and it breaks our hearts to see everything coming to such an end, but we cannot continue like this. 

The children are scared, and refuse to walk beside him. Some believe he is a bad omen, and they shudder in his presence.

We have spoken to Mr. Smith, and he says there is enough space for him to be relocated there. It pains me to say this, but we believe it is the only option.

Xiaojun’s mother died a few months ago and she was her only living relative. I am not sure he even knows she passed away. I am not sure there is any part of him that remains with us.

We beg you to consider this option, as we truly believe it is the best course of action, both for him and the town.

Thank you for your time,

The concerned neighbours. 

✒︎✒︎✒︎

They tried to take him today, but they couldn’t. He didn’t even resist, he just stood there, like only the sea existed.  ~~ I was there when they tried to take him, and I saw his eyes. They chilled me to the bone. There’s nothing in them, empty save for the sea. ~~

They pulled and pulled, but it didn’t matter how hard they tried. He’s one with the pier now. He's as much a part of the pier as the Sun and the wind and the sea, rooted there like he was born there.

Even if you came back, I’m not sure Xiaojun would know how you are.  ~~ I don’t think he knows who he is anymore. ~~ The sea has taken him as groom and he belongs to it now, more than he ever did to us.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly know this was a very niche and self-indulgent fic, but I had wanted to write a fic to this song for ages now, and here it is! If you've managed to read everything, I hope you've enjoyed it, and I hope it wasn't too confusing. I tried to add a little guide with the symbols I used to separate the letters, I hope it helped.  
> That said, I hope you've enjoyed this, even if just a little, and I'll be back soon!  
> Comments and kudos warm my heart <3
> 
> [tw](https://twitter.com/starryjinsouls) || [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Val_99)
> 
> \- Val


End file.
